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When it comes to marriage, we all have ideas about it that we bring into the marriage. Some of these ideas can be harmful and some can help us build a stronger union with our spouses. A great help to anyone who is married can be to find a couple that is a Marriage Role Model. For myself, when it comes to people who have witnessed a good marriage to me, I think of my parents. They have passed certain beliefs about marriage that have carried over into my own marriage. Here are some of them.
1. The relationship with your spouse requires time together in order to be nourished.
My husband and I work very hard at spending quality time together and we view ourselves as a team. Whatever life throws at us, we’ll face it together. I often feel so thankful that my husband does a great job of managing his time. He works hard at his job, but he is careful to not let work consume his life. He puts time with his family ahead of climbing any corporate ladder. For my part, I try to value the time he has for himself and for family and I don’t encourage him to become a workaholic. Early in our marriage, we had very little money and lived paycheck to paycheck. Periodically the discussion would come up about me getting an evening job to help with the bills. We always came to the same conclusion: We didn’t want to sacrifice what little time we had in order to make more money. Instead, we would live simply and live within our means.
I’m not saying that this conclusion is the right decision for every couple faced with the same issue, but I think the point remains the same. Whether both partners work or not, they need to put their time together as a high priority. Financial security is important, but if you find your marriage is suffering due to the time away from your family, then the marriage must come first. Many couples have gained financial security at the price of a healthy relationship with their spouse. If this is the case, then the cost of financial gain is too high. Your spouse must know that he or she is worth more than any financial reward. The same is true for dream jobs, housing needs, or anything else. Although many things are important, if these things threaten the health of the marriage, the marriage comes first.
2. Whatever problems one partner faces, is the problem of both.
My husband and I share our lives together and everything we have belongs to both of us. We don’t have his money and her money, but it is all our money, and when problems come up, we share a commitment to get through it together. If we are successful, we’ll be successful together; if we face setbacks, we’ll face them together. Life can be hard sometimes and unexpected challenges certainly come to everyone, but it gives me much peace, that no matter what life throws at me, I don’t have to face it alone. My husband and I are a team and we will work through things together.
3. Be loyal to your spouse.
Don’t tear your spouse down in front of others. When problems arise, it’s important to have a helpful friend that you can confide in, and this may include sharing marital difficulties and spousal shortcomings. On the other hand, making fun of your spouse, making jokes at his or her expense, or freely sharing your spouse’s faults with everyone around you isn’t having loyalty. The dignity of your spouse is worth defending and it is important that the partner’s know that their spouse has their back. My parents passed on to me that their loyalty to each other comes even before the loyalty they have for their families of origin even, or anyone else. When it comes to my husband and me, I know that he would never make fun of me in front of others and even if the whole world despised me, he wouldn’t. Even if I did something deplorable (not that I plan to), although he would not agree with or defend my behavior, I’m sure he would still love me and not turn against me.
Has anyone modeled any beliefs about marriage that has helped you in your own relationship with your spouse? What are they? We’d love to hear what they are and share some of them on Facebook and Twitter.
Written By April.